Defending Your Mind!
Defend Your Mind like your sanity depends on it!
Defend Your Mind, like your sanity depends on it!
You know how sometimes you might say to a friend, "Am I going crazy, or is that the most absurd thing you ever heard?" People involved in power play (aka bullies) can be relentless in sticking to an idea that you, they, everyone else knows is absolutely ludicrous, but they will peddle the untruths, the falsehoods, the outright fabrications, as if it's the truth and the only truth.
So much so that they have convinced themselves. So much so that they sound absolutely convinced, and you can't help but wonder if it's you that's going crazy. But it's worth remembering that a big part of a bully's arsenal is manipulation. If they are not manipulating you, they are manipulating others against you. They draw their energy from influencing others, like the air we breathe. It's fuel for their soul. And this usually means sapping your energy, making you feel insecure in what you know to be the truth. Feeding off your energy. That's why I've titled this post "Defending Your Mind", because in the face of overwhelming number of people saying something contrary to what you believe is the truth, you need to have a plan.
What is that plan? Well, you need to call them out for what they're doing. Liars do a variety of things to stick to their story and make others believe them.
1) THIS means THAT. The association of meaning to something that is a misinterpretation. eg. "It's been raining all week, of course it's going to rain tomorrow." Not true. You cannot use the past as a reason for predicting a future that hasn't yet happened. It's possible that despite the weather reports, tomorrow in your area, it will be sunny.
2) Quoting statistics as a way to disprove facts. eg. "It's a well-known fact that people who come from this part of the world like to do 'X'" That's a generalization. It's not a well-known fact, and it's usually quoted by people who haven't met too many people from 'this part of the world'. It's an attempt to mask their ignorance by appearing knowledgeable through quoting statistics.
3) Changing the subject. eg. You challenge a person on their facts, and since they cannot defend the facts they will not answer your point directly, but use 1) and 2) above to make assertions that are false.
4) The role of Influence. Getting people who are not greatly critical in their thinking to back them up. Get enough of them, in large enough numbers, they can make any claim they like. And when a whole mass of people sing from their song sheet, they outnumber and out-voice you.
When rational argument, or any semblance of respect is missing from an interaction, you need to assert your own self-respect. Remind yourself that the respectful thing for you to do for yourself, is to remove yourself from that situation, or if you anticipate it, is to not put yourself in that situation in the first place. Defending your mind or maintaining your sanity, your energy, your nervous system, your time...these are all parts of self-respect. And bullies rarely win with individuals who have lots of self-respect. If you need particular help with a bully, you can reach me via email on truthinemotion.com.
MICHAEL FRANKLIN -With over 25 years of coaching and teaching experience, my life’s work has been about supporting transformation in others. I’ve made a lifelong study of bullying. From being labeled a bully as a young child to getting bullied in my formative years, I’ve developed a methodology that’s based on merging human psychology, acting, emotional intelligence, and my personal superpowers of reading body language and energy.
NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)
Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
My Battles with myself!
I fight me. Who do you fight?
The battle that goes on in our own head to not displease someone is the subject of this article.
Are you being over-worked?
One of the ways to self-empowerment is to recognize that perhaps you're being asked to do more than your regular hours on a recurring basis, because you've failed to stand up and say "It's not okay". Perhaps the battle of empowerment here is won first in your own mind. To recognize that your work-life balance is off-balance! And that time doing over-work is time away from your family, from your me-time, from much needed exercise, or much needed distance to gain perspective.
Many people battle with their "People-pleasing nature" in that way. They don't want to say No. They want to be amenable, to please. Some believe being a Yes-person comes with rewards, promotions, etc. And sometimes that is true. But when does People-pleasing become self-sabotage instead of self-investment?
If you're in a situation where you've won the battle with yourself that you need to say No, as a way of self-care, then you have to win the battle of telling it to your employer. But usually, this battle is far easier that you made it out to be in your own head. The right words, the right tonality, with the right employer will give you back your loss of time. And Yes, once in a while with the not-so-right employer, it will mean asserting yourself in the right way; Highlighting the values that you bring to the Company or Team will paint the picture in a better way, than asserting yourself purely through a battle of wills.
Either way, the harder battle is with your own mind, your own imaginings, and your own nature.
If you've never believed that we bully ourselves in order to please others, to be liked, to not be thought of as anything but helpful, it's time to reassess. Your best friend is always the friend who takes account of the entire picture, not just the future, and not just your work, but your health (spiritual and physical), the health of your relationships, and your time to devote to your passions.
Comment below if recently you've had one such battle with yourself, and how did you fare? Does reading this highlight it as something you really need to get a handle on? Or remind you of a promise you made to yourself which you've let slip.
NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)
Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.