Gas Lighting

- the practice of psychologically manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, memory, or powers of reasoning.

Today, I'd like to talk to you about this particular bullying practice, because it goes hand in hand with bullying, if it isn't the bullying itself, and has become more and more commonplace over the past 12 months or so.

When I think of the foundation of our belief system, what we know, or think we know, as we go through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood - which ties in with what we've learned through our own experiences in the physical world, what is up, what is left, what happens if we throw an apple up in the air, right down to how we expect the police to behave, how we expect certain freedoms, or for there to be food in the supermarket, for there to be electricity, for us to be able to tell fact from fiction, truth from lies; we believe we can determine, or at least guess with a high degree of certainty what will be the outcome of an action that is taken, either by us or by someone else.

Woof, that was a long sentence. But bear with me...

Then when someone tries to disenfranchise us of that notion - for instance that a policeman might not be acting in our best interest, to protect and serve us, and that they might be capable of crimes that we could only expect to see from a criminal, and not a uniformed officer, then our world is turned upside down and we go through a phase of disillusionment. And that phase pulls into question, not just what we experienced, but we begin to question other expectations that we take for granted.

In that period, life becomes uncertain. And uncertainty leads to fear.

Now bear with me, because if we have a few experiences like that, when circumstances have caused us to come face to face with an aberration in our compass, in our understanding of the world, then when we face people who gaslight us, it becomes so much easier for us to fall into the pattern of questioning our sanity, panic, fear and the unknown.

One of the patterns that I keep seeing in nature is that people who always, or usually tell the truth, judge others by the same barometer. They believe that others always, or usually tell the truth. And contrastingly, people who usually lie, also judge others by the same barometer. They believe that others usually lie.

So, now imagine when a person who usually lies meets a person who usually tells the truth. The pathological liar, doesn't believe a word that comes out of the mouth of the habitual truth-teller, who is actually telling the truth!

And the habitual truth-teller tends to believe that the liar is speaking the truth, even when he's lying through his back teeth!

Bullies, people who gaslight others, are by nature manipulative. They have a hidden agenda. Their agenda usually isn't 'live and let live'. It usually isn't 'win-win'. It's usually, if you lose, I shall win. It's usually, if I impoverish you, I can keep the spoils for myself. It's usually if I can make you look spectacularly bad, I can make myself look like the hero for exposing you (make myself look spectacularly good).

So, I'd like you to ask yourself this: Given someone's claims, their version of events, what they are telling you, if that does not hold up to your vision, your expectation of what happens in the world that you grew up in, how likely are you to cast aside your beliefs in favour of someone else's claims? Suppose that they are very compelling.

Because some people can be successfully gaslit and not know it, while others will recognize the signs when someone is, to put it another way, 'messing with their head'. Some see it instantly, while others see it afterwards, while some don't see it!

And barring being under the influence of drugs, or medication, the difference may lie in how many previous periods of disillusionment we've gone through and experienced.

*As usual if you would like to discuss your particular situation more confidentially, you can always reach out to me via email on truthinemotion.com.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.